Dude...

this guy is fucking obsessed with me and i have no idea why. i wake up yesterday and i'm wiping the crusty glitter out of my eyes and slipping a biscuits-and-gravy pop-tart deep into that toasterussy and i check my phone. another fucking email from Maxwell Stick-up-his-ass Orderly... OFFICIAL FOLLOW-UP NOTICE OF CESSATION AND DESISTANCE From the Desk of Maxwell T. Orderly, Esq. Office of Corporate Harmony & Behavioral Compliance 1234 Uniformity Lane, Suite 0

Harmonyville, USA 00000

Date: 8/13/2025

To: Operator of emmiedoom.com

RE: Continued Non-Compliance & Color-Based Defiance

Dear Ms. Doom (though it pains me to continue recognizing such an obviously fabricated alias),

It has come to my attention that, despite my previous correspondence and very generous grace period, your website continues to operate in direct opposition to the Uniform Order Act of 1973. Not only have you failed to remove the offending materials, but you appear to have expanded your offenses by introducing what I can only describe as “neon debauchery” and “suspiciously flirtatious cartoon rabbits.”

Let me be perfectly clear: unauthorized whimsy is a slippery slope. Today, it’s pastel bouncers and suggestive signage—tomorrow, it’s full-blown public cupcake juggling in front of impressionable citizens.

If you continue down this path, I will be forced to escalate the matter to the Supreme Committee for the Regulation of Colors Beyond Beige™. This is not a threat—it’s a promise.

Consider this your Final-But-Not-Actually-Final Warning™. The next letter you receive from me will not be a polite one.

Yours in eternal order,

 Maxwell T. Orderly, Esq.

 Director, Corporate Harmony & Behavioral Compliance

and i'm like, "whatever, guy. go rub one out to an office supplies catalogue or something." BUT THEN, this morning, i roll out of bed to find that all the orders from Doom Designs have been canceled. it took me a minute to figure out wtf was going on... and then i found another goddamn email. Subject: Immediate Cease of “Candy Violence” Line

Dear Ms. Doom,

After extensive review of your so-called Candy Violence product offerings, I have determined — in my professional capacity as Compliance Coordinator, Morale Officer, and Temporary Acting Liaison for Digital Commerce Oversight — that said products violate no fewer than three (3) subsections of the Regional Online Merchandising Governance Act, as well as certain vague but highly exploitable provisions buried deep within the International Harmonization of Thematic Goods Regulations, 1987.

Through the application of established bureaucratic protocol — including, but not limited to, filing Form 42-B in triplicate, cross-referencing your domain through the Inter-Platform Vendor Neutrality Index, and leveraging a rarely-invoked “morality clause” embedded in the Digital Content Retailer’s Charter — I have successfully triggered an Administrative Product Hold across your Candy Violence listings.

Let me be clear: this action was executed entirely within the bounds of applicable e-commerce statutes and reinforced by a strategic exploitation of procedural loopholes that, frankly, you should have foreseen. It is my belief that such reckless and aesthetically aggressive merchandise poses a risk not only to public sensibilities, but to the integrity of the online marketplace as a whole.

Consider this the first maneuver in what will be a comprehensive, multi-phase initiative to bring your entire online operation into reluctant compliance. You may regard this as a warning shot — or, more accurately, as the opening salvo in a campaign you cannot possibly win.

Yours in due process,

Maxwell T. Orderly, Esq.

 Director, Corporate Harmony & Behavioral Compliance

This soulless son of a birdhouse got the whole Doom Designs store page taken down. but here's what lil Maxie-poo doesn't understand. you can't stop me. you can't stop US. the fun will never be contained. if you're reading this, Maxie-poo, i hope it makes you want to rip your own skin off to know that i'm absolutely COVERED in glitter, listening to 100 gecs, working on sticker designs, i haven't changed my underwear in 5 days, and i'm unbelievably high XD

sure, Maxie-poo’s managed to shut down Candy Violence for now, but let’s get one thing straight: this isn’t over. it is my sworn duty — nay, my sacred calling — to bring fun, joy, and a healthy dose of ridiculousness to this world. i was put here to make people smile, to make them gasp, to make them ask, "wait... is that legal?"

and i will never, ever be stopped. not by Maxwell. not by his “articles” and “subsections.” not by the forces of boredom and beige.

this pixie fights for fun and fun always wins. 💖🔪🍬